I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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