Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
