dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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