I looked at my own cervix.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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