Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
