I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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