My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize