i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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