I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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