I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
