dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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