woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
