nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
