New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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