She's JV to your varsity
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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