peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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