dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
