it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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