I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
