i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
