First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Drake has all the answers
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
