Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My life is pants optional.
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