Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
