i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
