Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
