bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
