He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
