Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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