Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
