I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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