He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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