i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
