And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
