if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
