I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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