Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
