i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
