You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I FOUND THE LEGS
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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