He asked to "fluff my boner.."
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
