I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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