I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
