I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
