The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
