where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
