I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
