So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
