sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
