so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
