Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
time to smoke my breakfast
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
