She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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