my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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