I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
