He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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