it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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