Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
