I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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