There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
