I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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