it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
