here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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