There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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