Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
