I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize