you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
