i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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