I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
