I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
