Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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