big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize