i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize